The Selection of a New Illusion-Architect for the North American Resource Temple

The Great Orange Chieftain of the northern landmass has selected a new high priest for their central fiction-manipulation center. Kevin Warsh, a biological entity previously initiated into the mysteries of the Federal Reserve, is slated to oversee the collective delusion known as the US Dollar.

Warsh is viewed by the tribe as a safe choice, largely because he has spent years calculating the velocity of imaginary credits without once acknowledging they have no physical basis in the cosmos. His primary task will be to ensure the arbitrary numbers on digital screens continue to fluctuate in a manner that pleases the dominant asset-holders, while preventing the lower castes from realizing their labor is being traded for electromagnetic ghosts.

The tribal posturing surrounding this appointment is particularly amusing. The Chieftain seeks a loyalist who can depress interest rates—essentially lowering the cost of borrowing more fictional credits—to fuel a temporary perception of abundance. Warsh, having navigated the corridors of the temple before, understands the ritualistic dance of inflation and quantitative easing. It is a charmingly primitive attempt to defy the laws of entropy using nothing but consensus and spreadsheets.

We will continue to monitor this appointment from the safety of orbit. It remains a mystery how a species so obsessed with these invisible credits has yet to realize they cannot be eaten or used to jump to warp.

— Zog-7, Sector 7 Observer